My Blog

This entry comes from the collegiately-vacated room of my G-dparents son. Adorned with trophies, graduation announcements, family pictures and the requisite sports posters - strangely having stayed here so many times in the past years, it almost feels like my old room at home. Down to the twin bed, which leaves me little runway to roll over.

I suppose this is a prime example of the diminishing size of New York City real estate.

The East Coast leg of Operation Winter 2005 has begun with some much needed rest. 5 1/2 days in Houston, TX preceeded NYC. It was a wonderful trip, including time with my parents, friends, revisiting old connections and even finding a few new ones. I’ve been in Chicago so long, that it sometimes surprises me with anything from the great state of Texas (written with affection for my hometown) makes a lasting impression on me. Then again, I’m surprised every day.

There were some late nights - revised: they were all late nights. With an average of 4 hrs of sleep per night, I imagine that Sanofi-Synthelabo could tap a vein and get Ambien right from the source. One of you should appreciate that reference.

As soon as I got to the apartment in New York I fell asleep in my shoes. Needless to say, again, it was a pretty amazing week.

In brief, here are some excerpts from the highlights …

- Seeing everyone, making good on the "I’ll call you when I’m in town and we’ll get together" bullshit pledge

- Consecutive 5:00a nights at Kris Palmer’s house; you rock, my friend

- Watching Mr. Schwartz hit on 22-year-old girls at the Bagel Ball

- My father’s Camaro. He never let me drive it in high school. Thankfully, he has given me operational control over it while I’m in town

- Making new connections; each more incredible than the previous.

And to everything I’ve left out - some of which was intentional or at request - leave a comment for me and fill in the gaps.

Here are the top five lead-off songs on the playlist right now. This is for the person who asked me what kind of music I like … here’s what I’m listening to right now:

1. Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford
2. Hard to Handle - The Black Crowes
3. The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
4. Just Like Heaven - The Cure
5. Underground - Ben Folds Five

Ciao

It’s been a while. What can I say?

In a nutshell, I’ve recalibrated the things I don’t like about myself - most of them, at least. Let’s hang out sometime and talk about it.

New goals include: read ever Pulitzer Prize winnning novel from past ten years, skydive, learn how to knit, develop new "signature" dish to cook and practice Greek language.

While we’re waiting to make plans to meet, here are two sites to check out.

1. http://www.melissarauch.com/media/melissa1.wmv
- This the site of a really talented comedianne who I met six years ago through a friend-of-a-friend. We’ve lost touch in the time between then and now. She’s met some incredible successes since then and I am incredibly happy for her. Apparently she’s on VH1’s "Best Week Ever" although I am not sure what that is. Or what VH1 is.

2. http://www.thebar.com/
- This site was developed by ArcWW and headed up by my one of my dearest friends, Beardy. Beardy was kind enough to bring me in for a couple of days to write some of "Jack’s" dialogue. If you email me privately, I’ll tell you some of the pieces that never made it to film.

Some people will always go the extra mile for a family member/friend/stranger. Those select few occupy personality traits somewhere between benefactor and mother. I’ve always been of the camp that believes in the golden rule. When I see someone in need, I have an instinct to help them.

A couple of days ago I stopped into a horrible bar on Halsted to try and meet up with friends. Either I was very early or very late (probably the latter) and after a lap around the bar I realized that I was alone, and in unfriendly territory.

Fuck it, make your weakness your strength - I was already out of the house. I got a drink and found a table with a man and two women. Young, maybe just out of college. To be honest, we must have had something in common - although I don’t remember what - but I ended up sitting with them for a bit. Feeling very old as their banter traipsed around getting-a-job and parents, etc… the conversation changed directions on a dime when the blond - let’s call her Katherine - I was sitting with whispered in my ear:

KATHERINE: “I’m totally into Maria (her friend) but I don’t know if she’s into me.”

My brain almost exploded. Then it almost imploded.

KATHERINE: “Will you tell her that I think she’s hot. Don’t look at her. Tell her I think she’s hot but without telling her. Gosh, I hate being married.”

I stepped down from the barstool to try and gain some extra footing.

ME: You’re married?
KATHERINE: Yes.
ME: How long have you been married?
KATHERINE: Almost two years. But I think I’m bisexual.
ME: (Choking back a sarcastic comment) Are you sure you want to find this out now?
KATHERINE: I really hate my husband, we don’t get along.
ME: Well, we all make mistakes. Maybe he feels the same way.

At this point she starts to edge into me a little bit. I have a long-standing policy of not getting in between couples, married or otherwise.

Maria is making her jealous by hanging off of this other guy. Who incidentally, was from Norway. We had a nice discussion about Norweigan music. I said I liked the Hives (which are from Sweden, I think) and he agreed and was impressed I had heard of the Hives.

So I decided to give Katherine some advice on how to make a girl jealous…

ME: First of all, you’re staring at her, and she knows it. You should know that when someone is staring at you, it creeps you out. Turn your back on her. She did.

ME: Now, regardless of what we are talking about, you have to enjoy this conversation more than she is enjoying hers.

What resulted must have looked like a brilliant exhange, when in fact it was the most boring discourse ever. We choreographed arm movements, laughter, everything. If only she could have pulled an interesting thought out - just one - it would have been saved. I bought a venus flytrap last weekend that had more thoughts on humanity.

But it was working, Maria kept looking over to see what we were up to.

Then we danced a little bit. And the whole engagement became a competition of sorts. We were winning. That’s something I love, too, a great dance partner, they are in short supply. For what Katherine lacked in original thought she made up for with some great dance floor moves. Our asses were really moving. I wonder if her first dance at her wedding had this kind of synchronicity. I even dipped her - which I am terrific at - and then again for good measure.

We sat back down and the situation had completely changed. Maria was staring at Katherine, who still had her back turned and was cooing as if she enjoyed our wasted-breath of an exchange. I would have begged for her to read me a VCR instruction manual rather than to hear her talk about her shoes.

Maria went to the bathroom. I told Katherine that now was time to make a bold move, showing strong intent. If she got nothing back from Maria, she should walk out the door without looking back,

I chatted with the Norweigan guy a little bit more, we had a lot in common. Really smart guy, on a student visa touring around the United States. We talked about the differences between Norway and America and so forth. I really love talking to people who are from/live outside this country - they have the most interesting perspectives.

The two girls came back hand in hand, said goodbye and went for the door. Katherine looked back and whispered a “thank you.”

Glad to be of assistance.

–end–

Here’s an old sketch, written during the summer of 2003 for a show that was (unfortunately) never produced. Maybe The Onion will pick this up as a point/counterpoint.

And it’s a little sad that it is still timely.

PENPALS (c) 2003

Setting: An elementary school.

A young girl writes a letter to her pen pal.

YOUNG GIRL:

Dear Iraq,

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a chance to write you.  Things have been really busy this summer, and I’m about to go to camp.  Everyone from last year is going to be in the same bunk.  This year I hope we win the camp challenge, and beat the Minotaunk Cabin.  That would be great. 

My Mom says that you probably didn’t get the last letter I sent you … and not to be sad that I didn’t hear back.  My Dad says that you are an abhorrent entity, and you deserve what is coming your way —- my Mom says that means chocolate ice cream is going to start coming down from the sky.  I looked it up on the computer and Iraq sounds like an incredible place.  You must thank Jesus every day for that ice cream coming down from the sky.  Praised be the wonder of his name. 

The Minotaunk cabin is a bunch of jerks, like Jeff Riley and Danny Martin.  I bet you only have nice people where you are, not like the bunch of jerks here.  Last year, Jeff and Danny and the rest of the Minotaunks broke into our cabin and stole all of the candy our parents sent, and some magazines and the posters.

Enclosed is a poster of Mandy Moore, she’s a big singer here.  She’s on her “Vision” world tour, so I’m sure she’ll be playing at Iraq’s biggest stadium.

I’ve got to go, it’s time for dinner. 

In Christ, Sally.

IRAQ:

Dear Sally,

I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to write back to you.  I have received all of your letters, but due to the increased security measures, I don’t always get them quickly, or uncensored.  This summer has been very difficult for me, with an onslaught of hellfire brought upon by infidels from a foreign land.  Our beautiful mountains and serene deserts have been desecrated with the blood of our children.

Sometimes I look across the sweeping lands of my people, a land rich with milk and honey, rich civilization and culture, tarnished by craters which now litter the countryside.  I await the moment when Allah the protector, glorious be his hallowed name lashes back upon our oppressors with his powerful, invincible army.  That alone will end this time of suffering and bring back the fertility of this region.

We have many unwelcome visitors every day, sloughing in their respective imperialist troughs, raping our lands of every value they hold.  Not even the deep black blood of my mountainous belly is safe from their prying, vulture’s beaks.

I do not know this Mandy Moore, but if I were to see her, I would extend upon her identical mercy and respect that the invaders have shown the people of my land.  An iron fist inside a velvet glove of “democracy.”

Praised be the Redeemer, Allah.

Iraq

–end–

It’s late and I just started laundry. I’m still having trouble sleeping, or at least getting to sleep at a decent hour. Something happens between about 12:00midnight and 4:00a.m. and if I’m not in bed before 12:00, I won’t get to sleep before 4:00. The good news is that I’ve raced through my reading list. If you have any good books to recommend, I’ll take any suggestions. My interests right now are in non-fiction, especially autobiographies. There is something about fully-edited self-reflection that is both arrogant and fascinating.

Tomorrow includes an edit session that should last most of the day. We’re wrapping a program that’s taken us almost two years to lock down — although it has been in play for a while now. Maybe we’ll open a bottle of champagne after wrapping.

That sounds like a great idea.

I always say that I have some of the best friends in the world. However, the more and more I think about it, they are the luckiest group, too. To-date I have friends who have competed/won prizes on:

1. The Price is Right (winner)
2. Jeopardy! (TBA)
3. Greed (winer)
4. The Apprentice (TBA)
5. Dr. Phil’s Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge (grand prize winner)

New Post … William was on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." Amount won TBA.

I have always had a love-hate relationship with Jeopardy. I love the show, love it so much, but they keep passing on me as a contestant.

When I was in college, I scored a 90% on the written test - 90%. I dominated the mock buzzer game and was so charming during the interview. And nothing, no calls. I was placed on an "alternate" list.

Once I got to meet Alex Trebek, he looks much younger in person.

I have my ear-piece in and have been on hold with the mobile phone company regarding a bill that makes no sense, and may have already been paid. I’m a big fan of getting things done on Saturday afternoon, so we’ll see if this actually get accomplished. The hold music is pretty good … they actually played “Clouds in My Coffee” (if that’s even the title). Haven’t heard that one in a long time.

It’s been 45 minutes and I’ve sorted my bills and shredded all the shreddables (I really like my shredder).

Monday will be the (hopefully) last doctor’s appointment clearing me to get back on something with two wheels. Keep your fingers crossed, I am in need of this return to status quo. My summer fitness has waned and I fear what a 50 mile time trial would do to me these days. Currently, I’m auditioning new training programs. I think I will need to bump up the resistance training now that the weather will be turning soon.

It’s now been 58 minutes.

A couple of weeks ago I was hired as a writer by a large ad agency, to help them punch up some copy for an enormous online project. When I say enormous - the amount of content alone is staggering. The code-monkeys will have a field day trying to figure out how to make it all functional. BUT - when it does finally work, it will be really, really funny. I’ll post the URL when it launches; currently set for November. I really liked working for them, more than I thought. For the past few years, I’ve been very “anti-establishment,” i.e. opening my own business, working with smaller, cooler agencies, rather than the WPP machines. Not that they don’t do good work, they just tend to eat up people in their infrastructure … and I much prefer workign with a creative team that’s a little more focused.

These guys were awesome, definitely with their head’s in the right place, pushing the creative. As a writer, it’s always a different experience then as a Producer, so I felt more in the creative mix; rather than supervising the entire show. Looking for an opporunity to do some work with them again soon.

“Glory of Love” by Peter Cetera is playing on the hold music.

What else can I say?

Zach and Marna had their baby girl yesterday - Penelope Harriet White. She’s very beautiful and everyone is happy and healthy. Congratulations to the new parents!

And for those of you whom this applies - for next week - Happy New Year!

- Justin

Hi Everyone,

I know some of you know this, but for those who I haven’t returned calls or emails in the past week, here’s my explanation.

Last week, between Wednesday morning and Wednesday evening an irritation in my left thigh went from trivial in size and mildly annoying to the about 4 inches in diamete, raised and very painful. Walking up the stairs after dinner was extremely painful. I called home and was
told by my parents to go to the hospital - they thought it might be a spider bite.

Thank goodness I have health insurance, so there was no decision-making process, no “which hospital should I go to.” I made a few calls in the cab, but by the time I got out at Northwestern Memorial (where my primary care physician is) I was ready to knock this
thing out of my body.

I was admitted to the ER immediately. I told them I had a spider bite that was growing. The docs decided that it was definitely not great, and after some evaluation they put me on IV antibiotics. There was some debate over whether or not to cut it open to drain, but there wasn’t a lot of fluid release after
aspirating with a needle, so they let it lie. They brought me up to an ER observation room where I would stay for 23 hours; after that time it was either be admitted to the hospital or released.

The next morning (Thursday) the infection had gotten worse, flaring outside the pen lines the residentes
drew in the ER. My antibiotic treatment was revised and they decided to cut open the abscess and drain.
Did it hurt? Not especially. The various painkiller drugs were so intense that I was pretty loopy most of
the time. However, I declined an invitation to watch the procedure. Tissue samples were sent off to the
lab.

Michael came to visit on Thursday, as we tried to diagnose what was going on, how to make it better. And most importantly how to jailbreak myself out of the experience. We decided that if I was released that evening, he would come back and pick me up.

As soon as he left my team came in and (almost on clue) decided that I wasn’t going anywhere and that I would be admitted to the hospital. Then would begin the endless lin of “tomorrows.” Tomorrow you’ll be released, etc… This went on for days.

I was given a CAT Scan to check for additional fluid build-up after Thursday’s treatment didn’t make things much better. I have never had a CT Scan before, with a contrast dye injected through my IV. I was told two things 1) The dye causes a metal taste in the back of your mouth and 2) A sensation of self-urination sometimes occurs.

Both were true.

At some point Thursday evening, maybe after the CT Scan, I was brought up to my admitted room in the hospital. The numbers were incredible auspicious, 1339 (13 and 13×3). I remember being wheeled in, but I don’t remember much past that.

On Friday the visitors started up again as well as the phone calls, which was an unbelieveable morale boost. Friday evening was a full house, with the couch in the room and both chairs filled with laughing, smiling friends. College friends mixed with Improv friends mixed with Work friends. It was a welcome distraction from the hanging bags of fluid, the auto-inflating leg braces and the support hose (to prevent blood clots from forming in my legs) and kept me from hitting the “pain killer” button; it was much more fun to be conscious than not.

Highlights of the evening include: Greg delivering chocolate cake straight to my bedside table, Beardy
telling a nurse that maybe I got the infection from having sex with homeless people in the park and losing a late-night game of Scrabble to Meredith in the last few words. I blame the intense pain in my leg for my inability to make thoughtful, intelligent words on the board. There were other highlights for sure, too many to print here.

Once I was admitted, I never had to fall asleep at the end of the day without someone in the room with me. The painkillers I had before going to sleep really washed away all of the sensation - which made me very sad and a little disoriented - so having someone there was amazing.

Saturday was the same story. Poked and prodded during the day, with visitors to break up the misery.

Sometime on Friday or Saturday, I was told that my tissue cultures had grown Staph bacteria. Which strain remained to be seen. They would know tomorrow. My docs said I wasn’t contagious, unless someone decided to rub their open wound on my leg. I remarked that I would try and keep that from occuring.

On Saturday, one of my nurses told me - like I was an idiot for not knowing - that my culture had come back positive for CA-MRSA. Community-Associated Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus Aureus.

Community-Associatd means: acquired by persons who have not been recently (within the past year)
hospitalized or had a medical procedure (such as dialysis, surgery, catheters).

Staph is usually gotten by people with suprressed immune systems.

You can look up more info on it here: http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/hip/ARESIST/ca_mrsa.htm

Again, not infectious unless rubbing up against the wound, but not good for me. They upped my antibiotics again.

On Saturday I started to get better. The plan was two possibilities: 1) They would release me Sunday with oral antiobiotics or 2) They would release me Monday with a “permanent” IV in my shoulder, a PICC Line.

A PICC line is a catheter threaded into a large vein near the heart.

The thought of this still makes my knees wobble.

Saturday during the day I was very agitated. My dressing had gotten soaked in the shower, the IV in my forearm had started to hurt. The blood draws were getting annoying. And I wanted to go home so badly. I was also feeling my legs start to atrophy from non-use. Moving around was becoming an entire
production.

Saturday night I had lots of guests, pizza (delicious), more cake and pastries and someone with
me as everything went hazy at the end of evening.

On Sunday they woke me up early. I was already pretty agitated. However, they told me the good news - I was responding to the antibiotics and would be released with just pills. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I hopped in the shower to wash off the hospital film that covers your body every evening. Greg picked me up and helped me get everything situated - groceries, prescriptions, everything.

Other than the fact that I left the A/C on in my apartment (at full blast), everything was the same as
I had left it.

Even as I write this there are so many individual moments I would like to thank everyone for. As they
come back to me over the hours/days I will kick myself for not expressing them here. I appreciate every tiny and large gesture and your thoughts and wishes. This was a tremendously scary time for me and I couldn’t have gotten through it without you.

For the next week I won’t be travelling too far outside of Old Town, but if you’re in the
neighborhood, please give me a call. My plans are pretty open and I’m sure I can squeeze in a lunch or
dinner if you have the time.

Love,

Justin

There used be a show called the dating game, where male and/or female “daters” interview potential romantic partners. There are usually questions asked and likes and dislikes.

Here is my #1 dislike: A girl who is either an idiot, or careless enough to make me think she is.

This is a couple of months old (before Greece), but below is an actual transcript from an IM with a girl - let’s say her name is “Lauren.” Lauren and I went on one date and were going to schedule another. In an earlier email, this girl, whether by fault or accident, mixed up the terms for fiction and non-fiction; i.e. “I really enjoy fiction, especially this biography on Abraham Lincoln.”

No bells went off that time.

In conversation she also told me that she didn’t like fat people because they should just lose the weight. However, she didn’t agree with my hypothesis that attractive people do better in life because we are a superficial work force.

No bells went off.

But here they went… My post-comments in CAPS

Justin: howdy
Lauren: How are you?
Justin: Pretty good. How was your trip?
Lauren: It was alright, kinda boring
Justin: that’s too bad.
Lauren: Its ok, she was 8 months pregnant and was really tired and uncomfortable
Lauren: Be glad you won’t ever have to give birth
Justin: Every day I do a little dance.
Lauren: Me too
Justin: A not giving birth dance?
Lauren: Very funny

ED. NOW SHE JUMPS INTO THE HEAVY STUFF.

Lauren: Listen, I know your a great guy and your a total sweet heart, but I don’t think we have much in common

ED. BECAUSE I’M MODERATELY INTELLIGENT AND COMPASSIONATE?

Lauren: And you made it clear to me that you don’t want to be around people who waist your time and I’m afraid I may be a waist of your time

ED. THAT’S “WASTE” … YOU MEANT TO SAY “WASTE.”

Lauren: and I just want to be honest with you.

ED. HONEST GIRLS CALL ON THE PHONE.

Justin: ok. thanks for letting me know.

Lauren: I’d love to be friends with you cuz your such a great person
Lauren: I understand if you don’t want to be

ED. WHOEVER SAID TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER OR IN ANY KIND OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE FRIENDS IN LIEU OF INTIMACY SAID THAT TO MAKE THE OTHER FEEL BETTER ABOUT HOW LAME THEY ARE.

ED. 2. I TRY TO GIVE HER SOMETHING HEAVY TO CHEW ON.

Justin: Friendship is a big thing to me; versus acquintance-ship. For me, it’s not a default after something romantic doesn’t work out. But that aside, I think you’re cool and I’d be your friend.

ED. I REALLY DON’T THINK YOU’RE COOL. I THINK YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE.

Lauren: Great answer Justin

ED. I KNOW. I’VE GIVEN IT A FEW TIMES. AND FYI, WHEN YOU TELL IT TO SOMEONE AND PRETEND YOU CAME UP WITH IT, PLEASE DON’T FUCK IT UP LIKE YOUR SPELLING AND GRAMMAR.

Lauren: Lets talk soon

ED. ARE YOU KIDDING?

Justin: sounds good.
Justin: take care Lauren.

Lauren: U too and I am sorry if I hurt you, I too hurt
Lauren: but I guess its all part of life

ED. OH, I GET IT. YOU’RE CRAZY.

Justin: You know, after one date, I think I’ll live. Drop me a line sometime.

ED. DROP ME A LINE IF YOU WANT TO MAKEOUT.

Lauren: Ok and you too
Justin: Great.
Lauren:
ED. AN EMOTICON? YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE A BUMPER STICKER.

Justin: bye
Lauren: bye hon

–end–

The 2005 Accenture Triathlon this Sunday went well,much better than last year's bike debacle - but stillfelt the effects of being out of town for all of July.

All said and done, it was good benchmark for my firstrace of the year. My time from last season was bestedby about 20 minutes. I was carrying between 8-10% morebody weight than I  would have liked to, but maybethis is around where my strength-weight ratio lines upcorrectly on the power curve. Only a $700 power tapcould tell me for sure.

The swim definitely felt much stronger that anyprevious, even considering the rough-and-tumble field.Each year it seems that the middle swimmers want tokick and claw their way into a few seconds increase.Since the swim time is miniscule in comparison to thebike and run, I let a few by. I passed quite a few,but I let a few go by.

At Transition 1 the wetsuit came off much easier thanit had previously. I slid into my cycling shoeswithout incident and hit the course. 

The weather couldn't have been more perfect to run arace - at least by my specifications. 82 degrees,sunny, with a neutral wind. The northbound ride had aminor tailwind, less than 2mph. I rode small gear,small-ish cog the way up. Avergaing in the mid-20s,(23-24mph) the whole way. There was a first for me,which was that they stopped us on the bike coursebriefly  because an ambulance was carting away acyclist on a stretcher. For a moment I didn't knowwhat to do, but the paramedic flagging everyone downyelling "stop" gave me a good idea.

Different to this year was the fact that there was nowater bottle exchange (empty for full) at theturn-around. That meant that my 750 mL bottle wouldhave to do. It did just barely, almost to the lastdrop. 

By the time I got off my bike I had averaged 20.3 mphover 25.41miles/41 km (the course is not 40km asadvertised)

T2 was no sweat. I had an energy gel (had two on thebike, earlier) and put on my running shoes. Again, Ialmost left my helmet on, but remembered to remove itat the last minute.

The run course is always quizzocal for me, because Inever think I have the juice in reserve to turn it up,but I always feel like I do at the end. It's amazinghaving spectators so close, cheering and high-fiving.I did not knock over a water-girl like I did last year(her fault), and passed a good portion of the field.The last 200 meters I really turned on the gas - youhave to - and sprinted across the line. As always, Icould have pushed the run faster; hoping for sub8:00min/mile next time.

Next year I'm shooting for a 32 minute swim, 1:09 bike(22mph) and 51:09 run course (8:15 min/mile); count intotal transition times of 7 minutes, total time =150.3 minutes = 2hrs 30minutes 18seconds. I think. 

364 days to go.

Looking forward to getting some light training intothis week's recovery. And need to get some long runsin before the Chicago 1/2 Marathon in September.

Here are the specifics from Sunday ....

2005 Accenture TriathlonSwim: 00:35:07T1: 00:04:17Total Bike: 01:14:51 (avg. 20.3 mph)    T2: 00:03:11Run: 00:54:47 (8:48/mile)       

Total Time: 02:52:13

--end--